Well, it is my first post of 2016 and it’s a personal one. I really hope the person who this is about doesn’t suddenly decide to check my blog out (he has the link, but it isn’t his kind of thing so I should be okay). What should we call this person… well, I don’t think he needs a name really. This isn’t him so much as it is about what he said. And this is a positive post. Amazingly, amazingly positive.
A bit of background might be necessary- we have been talking a lot over Skype recently and have met up a few times. We go to school together but in different friend groups. (I’m friends with most people, but not so much his friends. One of his best friends scares me!!!)
Anyway. I messaged him for a hug (if you didn’t know, I love hugs and am a very affectionate person) and it, well, it is hard to describe. We decided that the virtual hugs we shared were nothing compared to what we had in real life. So we decided to move on. He asked me what I wanted to do and I replied ‘talk with you’. I was feeling vulnerable and needed to talk to someone. And this when a bit more back story comes in.
Almost two years ago now I was struggling with depression. I was never formally diagnosed or whatever, in fact I didn’t tell my parents until last year, but it was bad and it made me very stressed and grumpy. I had some amazingly positive friends who even though they weren’t aware of what I was going through managed to make me much more positive and I eventually overcame it, but I still have lapses where I’m not really depressed, I just sort of fade into a bit of a hazy state where nothing is good and I can’t describe what is wrong and this makes me feel vulnerable.
Anyway, I tell him that I feel vulnerable and just want someone to talk to. And then (please don’t read if you are going to hate or something, because it is very cheesy) he told me that I don’t need to be vulnerable because he wouldn’t ever let anything happen to me (or something along those lines, anyway) and it might sound really cliche or i-don’t-know, strange, but it just made so unbelievably happy. I message him back saying that it meant a lot to me that he would say something like that and he said that I meant a lot to him.
I know that might seem silly or childish, but just the fact that someone cared enough about me to say something like that gives me warm and fuzzy feelings on the inside. It is nice to feel wanted and accepted and that is everything this and other conversations with him make me feel.
I hope you enjoyed this more personal post and that my rambling wasn’t too incoherent. This was a really hard post for me to write and is far more personal than anything I’ve written in the past but I hope to do some more posts like this in the future. I will be doing some more end of year posts soon.
I love you guys and cheers to a wonderful new years,